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BNCC AGM minutes for 24 August, 2007.
7.29 - Meeting opened by the honourable
chairperson Mr Tommy Vana.
Present - Vana T, Vana M, Brown, Holten, Manitta, Curtain, Puccioni, Todman,
Medina, Luzza, Kirsch, Sideshow Bob.
Apologies - Everyone not present.
7.30 - Member Brown fined $2.11 for talking out of turn.
7.31 - Member Huxley (snr) fined $1.26 for poor attempt at humour.
7.32 - Breasts arrive, attached to the lovely Penelope.
7.36 - Speech from the President - "The Horse" - read by Member
Brown from the back of a Cornflakes box - Mentions of a**e smearing and
stepping down from position amongst other things. Brown fined 87cents
for interrupting speech with moment of stoned contemplation.
7.41 - Member Todman fined $3.33 + $2.46 + $3.02 for something.
7.42 - Previous meeting's minutes to be presented by Member Sideshow.
7.42 - Member Vana T fined $17.12 for leaving previous minutes at home.
7.43 - Previous meeting's minutes presented by Member Sideshow, who had
fortunately committed previous minutes to memory.
7.47 - Deceased BNCC champions Jock Fountain and Anthony Wright toasted.
7.49 - AGM Virgins invited into meeting. Introduced by Member Brown -
Amon "Likes to drink piss and root birds like we all do", Deano
"sucked up spirit", Hyman "thought he was sh*t hot",
May "helped with mats once".
7.52 - Member Deano fined $1.12 for throwing chair on entry.
7.56 - Member Vana M fined $2.46 for phone ringing + $1.52 for answering
it.
7.59 - Member Todman fined $1.87 for something else.
8.01 - Member Shearn fined $4.02 for breaking topless waitress work agreement
rules by getting himself a beer.
8.05 - Member Kirsch reviews season 06 - 07.
Barnies came 6th. Weren't allowed to drink. Turf was scarce.
Highlights -
Tommy's return - Space Cakes enjoyed by all those who still had a memory
of eating one.
Hyman talking himself up and being bowled first ball.
Quirk smashing sixes after dark and stormies.
Patto hitting stacks of runs.
Todman made a fifty or two.
Huxley snr made a fifty.
Cock avoided gaol twice.
Kirsch and someone reported for drinking and forced to confront tribunal.
Transcript from meeting:
Committee: Were you drinking?
Kirsch: Yes.
Committee: How do you plead?
Kirsch: Not guilty.
Kirschy (with a bit of help from A. Kahn from the Reds) also took on the
council and won us back the turf.
NB Huxley snr also lost his remaining real teeth after having a ball smashed
into them which Kirsch needed to be reminded of.
8.14 - Member Kirsch fined $2.76 for forgetting Hucca's sacrifice for
the BNCC.
8.16 - Secretary makes personal note that esky should be worn in future
by AGM waiting staff with strap around the neck like the "hot pie"
boys at the footy as service a little slow.
8.18 - More fines. Member Vana T - $2.17. Deano - $3.14 for something
or other.
8.19 - Member Vana M suggests maximum fine of $5 for major indiscretion
at AGM. All agree.
8.20 - Member Huxley decides Vana M should be the first to have the maximum
$5 fine. Unsure what for. But again all agreed.
8.26 - Jock Fountain Barnie of the Year Awarded to Member Brown - Club's
made money again for another year under his treasurership . A proud winner.
A popular winner. Unfortunately not an awarded winner as Vana M has left
the trophy at home Was this why he copped the $5 fine?
8.32 - Member Richardson wins Tallest Player. Accepted in absence by Penelope
- "I'll be happy to take it on behalf of Cock."
8.34 - Haggs - Cock sans lobotomy arrives late, but takes Most Smashed
Player.
8.36 - McFly award to Brown for dropping sitter at ninth slip.
8.38 - Fattest award - Matt Derrig - Tommy: "When batting, a great
EFTPOS from square leg"
8.41 - Ugliest Player - Patto.
8.42 - Most Ducks - Deano with 5.
8.45 - Break called. Chairperson needs a piss.
8.57 - Meeting recommences.
8.58 - Treasurer's Report - Brown reports $947 up.
9.04 - Secretary's Report - Sideshow confesses to misusing Cricket Victoria
sponsorship promotions. Kept a dozen bottles of Big Red sauce, a million
serviettes, a cap, an apron and a sandwich board for personal use.
9.11 - Member Vana M penalises secretary. Marty will bathe in tomato sauce,
in a spa with jets at secretary's expense. Secretary accepts punishment.
9.18 - Turf Report- Turf Manager Kirsch ashamed of the lack of greenery
over previous season.
9.26 - Pizzas ordered.
9.29 - C. Shearn buys the BNCC for $800.
9.33 - Owner Shearn raffles Nothing. Kirsch wins with bid of $400. Keep
those joints coming.
9.37 - Member Luzza offers to donate $500 for equipment.
9.42 - Member Todman offers to buy all members a latte cup.
9.47 - It's suddenly become Wall Street. Money's being thrown around everywhere.
Haggs and Cock are getting us a kick a**e bbq. Curtain to get honours
boards. Deano donates his café. Hyman's buying us the ABC. Coppo's
throwing in trips for two to Thailand with Chocko to try on size eight
somethings... See Treasurer's e-mail for specific financial details.
9.53 - Decision made that beers to be drunk in clubrooms, cars, etc. on
match days.
9.57 - Mc Callum gets five years added to his Life and ten year ban.
9.61 - Member Manitta to continue his ongoing search of the right tailor
to make the perfect BNCC blazer. May need assistance. So May to assist.
9.63 - Member Manitta fined $2.71 for being so quiet throughout meeting.
9.67 - Unanimous vote for new Turf Manager - Jason "The Darling Buds
of" May.
Maybe we could call him "The Bard" for short. I did enjoy smoking
the sonnets he provided and offer my own critical response - "Whimsical,
lyrical, nicely paced. Profound without being too heavy or overwhelming."
Hawthorn Football Club other nominee.
9.71 - Unanimous vote to reinstate Treasurer Brown - "The World's
Greatest Treasurer".
9.74 - Unanimous vote to reinstate Secretary Sideshow - Despite aforementioned
indiscretions.
9.79 - Nominees for coach - Nipper and Guus.
Suggested offering $8.78 a game.
Never voted on.
9.84 - Pommy Chris arrives talking of bedroom toys.
10.04 - Todman fined $3.20 for something.
10.06 - Jnr Vice President - nominee 1: Penelope. Nominee 2: Penelope.
Unanimous vote for Penelope.
10.08 - Vice President - Unanimous vote to reinstate Mark Thomas, who
is rumoured to be attending his first AGM ever later in the evening. You'll
just have to read on to find out if he does...
10.12 - The Big One - President
nominees: Simon Jarman, Warwick Capper, Pommie Chris, Kevin "Tit
Man" Rudd.
Unanimous - Simon Jarman - The third youngest president in the club's
history. The sixth oldest. The fourth tallest. The fifth heaviest. The
first to complete the double - being president and a previous "Best
Dress Barnie" award winner.
Crowd goes wild.
Curtain rings Jarman at his office in London - Boys sing stirring rendition
of "Jaaaaa-mmmmeeeeeeerrrrrrnnnn", "Club Song" followed
by "Jarman takes it up the a**e!" Jarman almost speechless -
Obviously a boyhood dream come true.
10.18 - Secretary changes pen from red to black.
In hindsight, genius idea - makes ordering the pages a little bit easier
the next day. In hindhindsight, may consider numbering pages at next AGM
if reserve secretary again is a "no show".
10.27 - Member Puccioni takes off his shirt and leans shoulder up against
Jnr VP's stomach to show us all that his fish tattoo looks nothing like
her Japanese symbol. Jnr VP blushes as she realises Pucc is unfortunately
not so well endowed in the stomach department. Fine for R. Puccioni -
$3.24 for embarrassing member of committee.
10.31 - Official Junior VP photo session with club sleaze bags C. Curtain
and A. Copplestone (nb - D. Quirk yet to arrive).
10.36 - Extraordinary meeting called by Treasurer and Secretary attended
by called members - R. Puccioni, A. Copplestone, T. Kirsch, D. Huxley,
C.Curtain, W.Brown, Sideshow, J. Luzza. Discussion of Life Membership.
Unanimous vote for M. Vana to become Life Member. Fear this will give
T. Vana another heart attack. Therefore it is decided that he too will
receive Life Membership, despite impassioned speech from Puccioni against
motion - (Thought that more suffering for Tommy would be somehow amusing).
Unanimous vote for T. Vana to be Life Member, including Pucc's.
11.03 - Secretary makes rambling speech supposedly about two life Members.
Though needs verification from other members present to ensure that this
is what he spoke about as has little memory of it himself. However, he
does remember rude interruption from following supposed BNCC royalty -
D. Quirk, R. Lindsay and M. Thomas (the latter VP of the club, I might
add) in the middle of the speech. $3.32 fine each for Quirk and Lindsay.
$3.48 for VP Thomas.
11.28 - First two life members inducted. Magnificent speeches made by
both members. If not for the threat of a Life and ten ban, I'm sure there
wouldn't have been a dry eye in the house. May have ended with stirring
rendition of "the Vanas take it up the a**e" though, again,
may need verification from another present member of this.
11.36 - M. Vana immediately donates $250 to the club, despite no longer
having to pay fees. T. Vana may still need to pay outstanding membership
fees from the years 1995- 2001 (will need to check with former Treasurer
Wright for exact amounts).
11.37 - Meeting closes.
11.59 - As yet, no vomit.
Midnight - Limousine arrives to whisk away new owner C. Shearn and esteemed
Secretary to official media engagements, photo shoots, etc. NB For the
first time, Secretary takes home minutes.
12.01 onwards - To be revealed in next AGM minutes.
10.02 pm Monday - For the first time, Secretary types up notes.
NB Member Brown - Could you please add up fines and bill members?
Sideshow, BNCC Secretary
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