| Saturday, August 28,
2010
6.30 PM: Scheduled pre-meeting drinks but not many bodies, lots of piss
farting about waiting for enough members to form a quorum.
7.15: Joey leaves the premises to collect the entertainment.
7.30: Meeting gets underway with new members Lee Thatcher and “Horse”
sent out until called in. A role call is issued and an immediate penalty
- Jarman hit with a fine for not attending. Excuse that at the time he
is on a plane bound for England not accepted.
Several apologies delivered including Mikos who indicates he would prefer
to be out shagging his girlfriend. Fined!
7.35: Marty Vana arrives in his cricket whites but obviously suffering
the effects of the day before.
7.40: Joey returns minus the hostesses who have decided to have dinner
before facing a randy group from the BNCC.
Chairman Vana losses control of the meeting which descends into chaos
with 15 people talking at once.
Joey produces his roaring horn and blows it which restores calm. Horn
also known as a vuvula.
7.42: Meeting progresses rapidly. Life ban plus 10 remain for Tony McCallum,
then added to that list are Alec Kahn and Steve Pearson.
7.45: Warwick Brown introduces “The Horse” who did a magnificent
job as President for two years by contributing nothing to the Club.
At the same time Marty Vana calls a welcome with the reverse comment “a
far slob” to the late arrival of Puccioni.
7.50: Huxley (the aged one) issues a toast to Mel Gibson with some remarks
about, Jews, Russian sluts, wetbacks and niggers.
7.55: Meeting moves minutes from last year which were not recorded and
with no secretary on hand Marty gives a rough account – fines, bans,
hooters, etc.
7.58: Noting the absence of secretary Kirsch, Todman inquires: “Just
what does a secretary do anyway.”
7.59: With no scorebook on hand to confirm the scores Rob Huxley is awarded
the duck award – it was noted his at one stage was shooting for
the audi 0000.
8.00: Drinks break.
8.17: Four breasts enter the room attached to Brandy and Charlotte. Yeah,
sure they are their real names, but who cares. When questioned Brandy
suggested right one was called bubbles, the left one remained nameless
but was kept under close scrutiny.
8.25: Meeting resumes with a toast to the Barnies and a singing of the
Club theme song.
8.28: Treasurer Brown informs the meeting that the Club is in the black
with money in the bank.
8.30: Unrequested but impossible to stop Todman gives a review of the
year.
8.35: New members Lee Thatcher and “Horse” welcomed to the
meeting after nearly an hour of watching soft porn on TV.
8.40: Lovely floorboards in the Caroline Street residence give way under
the weight of Huxley (the large). Lee Thatcher stabbed by a flying splinter
but does not require medical treatment.
8.45: Elections held for prestigious committee positions.
Brandy and Charlotte voted in as honorary Vice-Presidents – not
the only position many people would like to see them assume.
World’s greatest treasurer Warwick Brown returned un-opposed; Huxley
(aged) remains unchallenged as Cub delegate and in his absence Tony Kirch
re-elected secretary to be assisted by Simon Todman.
There are several noms for president including “The Horse”
again and John Howard but with his ability to contribute nothing for the
Club, Scotty Illingworth grabs the title.
8.50: Drinks break.
9.10: Meeting resumes with the awarding of the Jock Fountain brick. Huxley
(aged) ready to stand and deliver the acceptance speech he has practiced
all week remains seated when the name David Quirk is read-out.
As captain of a side that was all out for 16 Quirky is a worthy winner.
9.20: Marty informs meeting that the Barmy Army have shit themselves and
declined the offer to try their luck against the might of the BNCC however
there are two internationals scheduled for the season.
Match one will be against the South Africans on the Gold Coast approx.
October 10/16.
Match two will be against the Durham Cavaliers at the Eddie Herring on
Thursday, November 25.
Paid up members take priority but get your names in early.
9.40: “Horse” in a world of his own decides that Charlotte
needs wrapping up with plastics garbage bags and he is nominated as the
“Lilac Avenger.”
9.50: Joey and his four friends are toasted by all and sundry.
9.55: Hostesses use their skills and charms to sell heaps of raffle tickets.
10.00: General business gets around to the Jesters’ cap. Lee Thatcher
declares that he will endeavour to get one made.
10.10: Pizzas arrive and howls of protest are hurled at whoever ordered
the ones with mushroom topping.
10.18: For no apparent reason the meeting burst into a rendition of “There’s
only one Puccioni.”
10.25: Jason May explains how by buying the Club for the previous season
he had become a chick magnet and had become engaged to be married.
10.30: After some spirited bidding Jason again claims ownership for the
2010/2011 season at the bargain basement price of $775.
10.50: To the envy of all, probably even Brandy and Charlotte, Jason then
explains how he bagged Ruby earlier in the year.
10.40: Toddy reports how he had bumped into newly awarded Jock Fountain
award winner David Quirk on a visit to Kittens. Quirky replies that Toddy
ruined his chances with the lap dancing hostess.
10.45: In a tragic report Tom Vana informs the meeting that Curtain’s
offspring have broken the mobile esky. Unaminous vote that Curtain foots
the bill to have it repaired.
10.50: “The Lilac Avenger” buys Charlotte a BNCC cap. Must
fancy his chances there.
10.55: For some reason Eamon and his mate volunteer to donate “a
nut each.”
11.00: Raffle drawn. “Horse” collects the main prized while
Gorgeous George hands in ticket C9 claiming it to be C6 and collecting
a prize to the value of about $0.55.
11.12: Brandy and Charlotte put on a show and display the proper method
of licking an icecream.
11.25: Brandy and Charlotte prepare to leave but are missing a pair of
black undies. George calls not guilty “I took the pink ones”
he pleads.
11.30: Hostesses depart.
11.38: At a hastily convened meeting in the backyard at Caroline Street,
treasurer Brown offers a financial report on the night and informs all
and sundry that after expenses the Club has raised $1200.
That inspires another rousing chorus of the Club theme song which the
neighbours must surely have enjoved.
11.45: Huxley (aged) and Huxley (large) depart and walk to Hoddle Street
where they hail and board a taxi. With a strong knowledge of the area
the taxi driver promptly does a U-turn and heads back into on-coming traffic.
Only a quick and loud wail from Huxley (large) stirs the driver into completing
a full 360 and heading back the right way.
11.45 and 30 secs: Huxleys survive with the dream of taking part in the
BNCC “Year of Hope.”
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