Gentlemen,
As an OCL, strategy and leadership are things that
come naturally.
When the small chilli sauce container arrived with
my home delivered spring rolls, I saw an unique opportunity.
It immediately occurred to me that what to others
would be perceived simply an inanimate disposable
object actually was a potentially powerful tool. I
felt like Isaac Newton must have when the apple hit
him on the head. This container could easily hold
11 names from which I could surprise not only our
opposition, BUT MY OWN TEAM-MATES by introducing an
element of chance into who would be next to bowl or
bat. Pure genius. But as it turned out, I was simply
ahead of my time.
It was a warm 30 something degrees when I was invited
to "Toss" by the other captain. I guess
that kind of thing is normal in the Turana Juvenile
Detention Centre that borders the ground, but I thought
it inapropriate to decide who would bat first via
an impromptu game of soggy biscuit and instead asked
that he throw a coin in the air. I called correctly
and sent the opposition in.
I opened the chili sauce container for the first time
and the name Rorison appeared. From the other end
we had the crowd favourite Huxley D. Hags bowled superbly
with 1/30 and old Hucca missed out on his normal wicket
due to a dropped catch (we missed three early ones
- a huge improvement on the previous week). Dennis
got the boot after conceding 18 from his fifth over.
I reached into my pocket and saw the name Josh Williams.
He had already taken a sharp chance and looked likely
as he steamed in 16 times - thats right 16 times for
one over. Marvellous effort in endurance that saw
him concede 19 runs and made me reach into the pocket
again. Out popped Paul Huxley, then Patto (who arrived
half an hour late due to being lost in Royal Park).
Great spells from them - Hucca 3/26, Patto 1/33 and
we were well on our way. The pitch was a belter. If
we could just keep them under 200 the game was ours.
The container kept supplying champions. Innings was
closed out with spells from Gave Povolo 2/25 and D.J.Wright
2/23. Burnley 9/191 after 45.
It was then, with supreme confidence that I strolled
out to bat partnered by Paul Huxley, knowing only
that my opening buddy from the previous week with
the tiny little hands, one lung and some new leg based
art work would be next in should the unthinkable happen
and we lose a wicket.
As is my privalege, I took the first over and felt
extremely confident. The second over was to Paul and
he smote a couple of 2's (apparently residents in
the area could feel the ground shake as we charged
up and down the pitch). Last ball of the over was
a chest high full toss which he hit to square leg.
Every umpire in the leage except for the kid at square
leg knows this constitutes a no ball - yet the big
man was given out - and he wasn't happy at all....
No problem. 1/7 and the now reliable Vana/Bowden combination
set about taking it to 35 before Deano departed via
a wild swipe. No problem, Josh Williams was next in.
Last time I saw him, he had drunk his own height in
cans of VB, he was hence a "Beer Wizard"
and therefore more than able to handle this pop gun
attack. The score cruised along to 45 and I was starting
to become totally awe struck with my own performance
when the unthinkable happened. I actually smashed
a drive which hurt the fielder at cover who somehow
juggled it, rolled around and hung on. Don't recall
ever bruising a fieldsman before but I guess that's
what leadership is all about. He went off to ice his
sore spots. There must be some sadist or gimp in me
as making him hurt actually gave me the horn. In terms
of the match there were no worries I thought. Povolo
was next and after two ducks was due for a very big
score.
But no matter how many champions my sauce bottle selected
to bat, the wickets continued to tumble. Hyndo 3,
Wrighty 1, Hucca 2, Povolo 20. Clearly my strategy
was too far ahead of it's time. In his hurry to go
in at number 10, Patto went out there with his pants
back to front - more the kind of thing that happens
in parks later in the day - but head out he did anyway
- and promptly made a golden duck. We asked if he
wore two boxes out there but he did not reply. No
matter I thought, only 120 to get and Hags and Toddy
to get us over the line. Poor old Toddy. Hero last
week, the sauce bottle did not pick him out to bowl
and he came in to bat at 11. Just to top it off he
made a golden duck which also provided some hack Burnley
bowler with a hat-trick and signalled pretty clearly
that from a finals perspective at least - our season
is just about over.....
As for the sauce bottle strategy, the derogitory comments
flowed. But I stand behind it and say don't blame
the staff at my local Chinese takeaway. Don't blame
it on the chili sauce. Don't blame the umpires for
crap decisions given to Hucca and Gav. Yes, we lost
and maybe I erred by not using a Vindaloo container
but in my opinion, the rumblings of a negative vibe
was very un-Barny like. We lost because we batted
poorly. Nothing more, nothing less - so those who
need to, please get busy building a bridge this week
and get over it. Mark my words, one day soon, take
away food containers will be used by all reputable
captains in first class matches around the globe -
except maybe in Bangladesh, where takeaway food is
in relatively short supply - but you know what I mean.
Great to see a few fans pop in to see the end, noteably
Shearny, Tommy & Chrissy Gray.
There is a bright side. Where there is life, there
is hope. For well documented reasons, not George Hope
but the real hope that 11 cricketing gods wearing
greenand brown will do all they can to resurrect our
season next Saturday afternoon at the McAllister Oval
in Park Street Royal Park at 12.30. Hope I can be
part of it but more than happy to drop out to accomodate
some of those who we haven't seen much of this season
(Wocka, Kirsch, C.Ock (although as you just didn't
turn up the previous week, you can expect to field
fine leg to fine leg for a whole innings and cop a
substantial fine, Wilcox, Hatch, Pooch etc).
Your losing leader (with another impressive bruise
bigger than Deano's leg tatt),
M.A.Vana OCL, LM BNCC
